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A one page play featuring:
Shallow.............................................................................................a
computer/printer salesman
Timon of Peoria...................................a
compulsive letter writer (and madly in love with Phrynia)
Phrynia........................................an
undercover CIA operative disguised as a male camel herder
(dispatched to Timbuctu to infiltrate sub-saharan terrorist
organizations)
Nestor........................................................................................................................a
wise man |
| Scene 1: A computer store |
| Timon:
Shallow:
Timon:
Shallow:
Timon:
Shallow:
Timon: |
I need a jet printer that prints good text and good pictures.
How much to you wish to spend?
Very little. It's deep winter in Timon's pockets.
(pointing to a range of jet printers on a shelf) Any of these printers is
excellent and economical-- HP, Epson, Canon. (pointing to one) With this one
you also get a case of vintage beer.
I'll take it. A quart of ale is a dish for a king.
How do you wish to pay?
I'll pay cash as far as my coin would stretch and when it will not
I'll use my credit. |
Scene 2: At Timon's home
Timon unpacks the printer and tests it by printing several pictures.
Then he proceeds to write a long letter to Phrynia, using sentences such as:
"Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatcheable beauty"
"O your hand, in whose comparison all whites are ink"
"Mine eye is enthralled by your shape"
"When you do dance, I wish you a wave of the sea, that you might ever
do nothing but that"
etc.
He then prints the letter. Half-way through the printing a screen message
tells him that the cartridges are out of ink. He rushes to the store.
Scene 3: Back at the store |
| Timon:
Shallow:
Timon:
Shallow:
Timon: |
I need more cartridges.
(pulls out a set of cartridges and tells their price to Timon)
In thy foul throat thou liest. You told me the printer was
economical.
I said the printer was cheap, not the printing. Thy lips rot
off.
My all the infections that the sun sucks up from bogs, fens, flats,
fall on you. |
| Shallow and Timon are ready to come to blows when
Nestor intervenes |
| Nestor:
Timon:
Nestor:
Timon: |
Come on gentlemen. Forget, forgive, conclude and be
agreed; our doctors say, this is no month to bleed. (takes Timon aside)
Timon, you should watch out for the sting in everything that appears
to good to be true. Remember, It is the bright day that brings for the
adder, and that craves wary walking....
I know, I guess I'll have to go broke with printing. (lifts both arms to
the heavens) There's no remedy to this consumption of the purse.
Clear up that cloudy countenance, Timon. Computer Friends' Refill
Kits let you recharge your own cartridges with their good inks and tools.
You will slash your printing costs.
Can this be true? I owe thee much, Nestor. Within this wall of flesh
there is a soul that counts thee her creditor. |
| Timon goes home, calls 1-800-547-3303, orders a
Computer Friends refill kit. The kit arrives in two days, he recharges the
cartridges, completes and prints the letter to Phrynia.
Scene 4: Timbuctu |
| Phrynia: |
(opens the letter, reads it and sighs) Timon, Timon,
wherefore art thou? |
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Acknowledgements:
Timon of Athens, A Winter's Tale, Julias Caesar, King John, King Henry IV,
Romeo and Juliet, Richard the Second, Richard the Third, Titus Andronicus |
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